Came across this funny article on my friend Parrot’s Blog and knew I had to share because of how much I laughed at the ridiculousness of the author..lol.
The author describes in 10 ways how to identify runs girls in Lagos. Read below:
Lagos is a place where the struggle for limited resources is keen. All facilities are highly COMMERCIALIZED including love. Things are not always what they seem to be at the surface level, so there is a need for you to ‘shine your eyes’ before being caught buying the counterfeit
These are top features of a Lagos prostitute who maybe trying hard to hide her identity to avoid stigma:
(1) Runs girls in Lagos are fond of heavy make-ups:
They are always desperate to create an impression wherever they go. This leads to obviously heavy and colourful make-ups that mayn’t even rhyme at all. The ‘foundation’ could be so strong like she wants to erect a building on her face.
(2) Awkward piercings:
These set of ladies pierce their nose with rings attached. Their ears carry multiple piercings too. Some bold ones go as far as rocking nose rings to show how fashionable they are.
(3) They chew gum indecently:
The act of chewing gum is very paramount among full time prostitutes and ‘aristos’ seem to have mastered the act well and I wonder the rationale behind it.
(4) Breast display:
As goods are displayed on shelves in the shopping mall, so also the runs girls flash their ‘selling points’ I.e their area of strength for prospective buyers. They make sure you can a vivid look of what you are up against like the massive boobs, big bum and exposure of the flat tummy or waist.
In Nigeria today, most decent and well-cultured ladies don’t draw tattoos. Most ‘female marketers’ are fond of conspicuous tattoos which are positioned at strategic points for you to feed your eyes on and they are always quite bold.
(6) Bleached skin:
A fair lady gets more attention and is easily noticeable than a dark one. Runs girls don’t joke with bleaching. The skin is unnecessary white while the fingers, toes and knuckles stand out black with the intention to break away like Biafra.
(7) Runs girls in Lagos love expensive phones with busy lines:
When a lady’s phone rings incessantly like she is a customer-care agent and you know she isn’t selling anything; my guy, she is into ‘E-commerce’ like Jumia delivering the assumed and the social media is likely her booking office.
( 8)When you keep calling her phone and introducing yourself severally:
Runs girls have several clients to deal with. They hardly store numbers until they are sure you have the will to do business. They easily lose track of the identity of their callers and you get poised to re-introduce yourself over and over again.
(9) If she disappears mysteriously like the 2016 national budget from the senate on Friday nights:
Friday nights are sacred nights in Lagos when the ‘god of koboko’ is worshiped by hardworking men that must have been engaged productively throughout the week. On a night like this, a hot runs girl must have been booked by the highest bidder; hence a dramatic disappearance until Saturday morning.
(10) She is a likely ‘selling it’ if she spends the entire day sleeping and heads out every night:
Runs girls in Lagos have opposite working schedules, they leave for work when others are returning, and go on recess when others are at work like ‘Edo witches’ (na joke oh).
What do you guys think of the write up?