How To Be A ‘Yoruba Demon’

According to Oxford Dictionary (The Ogbomosho Revised Edition),The term Yoruba Demon is an adult male who is not necessarily possessed by an evil entity but derives extreme satisfaction from breaking unsuspecting female hearts. 

Here are some of the guidelines to make you a successful and fully kitted “Yoruba Demon”

1.Music Choice:

Your music choice is key as it helps you mind tone up for the tasks at hand. CNN reported that 90% of Yoruba Demons have some form of fuji music with them at all times. Legends like KWAM 1,Sir Shina Peters,Obesere,Pasuma etc must be among your playlist to “ginger”your mind and body. Of course the likes of Olamide and Lilkesh must be on the playlist too. The mission is to overtake the party and make it your own.

2.Expensive phones:

Every “demon”must at least have an expensive handset,not necessarily with airtime in it but flashy.  It serves as a visa to hook unsuspecting females. 

3.Wear dark shades everywhere:

Whether rain or sunlight, dark or bright,while you shower or even at midnight,no confirmed yoruba demon should be caught without a pair of dark shades.It an offence punishable by death. The shades shield your eyes from women who want to figure out if your lying especially when they are toasted. After all the easiest way to identify a fib is through the eyes.

4.Dress code:

A white Agbada and a pair of loafers MUST always starched and pressed for action.I repeat always. This is your uniform-your armour so your dry cleaner and shoe shiner should always be on speed dial. In some cases colours may  vary depending on what your squad agrees but one thing is constant and that is the leader of the crew is the only one allowed to dress in different color to show his rank and stands in the middle at all times.

5.Grow a beard:

Nowadays I see cadets walking around without their demon make-up aka a beard. Your beard signifies your maturity in the game. A well groomed beard shows your class and pedigree when you interact with women especially. No woman wants to be wooed by a young-looking buffoon. 

6.Squad goals:

You must always be seen with at least a member of your squad,be it to the men’s room or dancefloor. Never leave without back up. In some cases you need to get out of a tight situation especially while arguing with women or chatting them up and you will need an alibi to vouch for you as to how amazing and wonderful you are. In situations where you’re with your whole crew at an occasion,the head surveys the ladies present and assigns his “demons” to infiltrate  based on their characteristics and capabilities.

7.Always advice whether it’s the right thing to say or not:

A yoruba demon on average spends more than half of the day giving relationship advice to unsuspecting victims whether it’s true or not. The idea is to be the psychologist in any situation you find yourself.

8.Attend Occasions:

Always leave your weekends open because of the numerous celebratory activities you aim to gate crash and the female hearts you intend to break in the least amount of time. You are required to attend at least 3 events per weekend irrespective of if you were invited or not. So far the location seems like a potential breeding ground, you are mandated by the “demon court”to participate and get as many women to fall in love with you. Be it the bride,her mother,her best friends,her aunties,younger/older sisters, her pastors wife etc no one is above limits.

And there you have it, the ‘Yoruba Demon’ guide.