Pop superstar, Lady Gaga has spoken out about the lasting pain and trauma of being sexually assaulted at 19, revealing she suffered a “total psychotic break” years after being left pregnant by her alleged rapist.
The Grammy award-winning singer — real name Stefani Germanotta — recalled her harrowing experience in an emotional appearance on the premiere episode of “The Me You Can’t See,” a new docuseries co-created by Prince Harry and Oprah Winfrey that aims to tackle the stigma around mental health.
Lady Gaga said she froze and blacked out immediately after the record producer allegedly threatened to torch her tunes if she didn’t take off her clothes.
She further stated that he abused her while she was being locked away in a studio for months.
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The singer spoke through tears as she recounted the moment an unnamed producer demanded she take her clothes off before threatening to burn her music.
She expressed;
I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off’.
And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and then I just froze and I just … I don’t even remember.
Gaga said she will not name her alleged attacker, stressing;
I understand this #Metoo movement, I understand that some others feel really comfortable with this, and I do not, I do not ever want to face that person again. This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.
According to the “Poker Face” hitmaker, she was diagnosed with PSTD years later, after going to the hospital for chronic pain. She went public with her diagnosis in 2016.
She explained;
First, I felt full-on pain, then I went numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after. And I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting, and sick. Because I’d been being abused, I was locked away in a studio for months.
The way that I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after I was raped. I’ve had so many MRIs and scans. They don’t find nothing, but your body remembers.
Gaga said everything came to a head with a breakdown from which she took years to recover.
“I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl,” she revealed. During that period — around 2018 to 2019 — she canceled a string of concert dates on Joanne World tour.
Lady Gaga however said she is seeking healing, rather than sympathy, by telling her story.
She noted;
I’m not saying my story because I want people to cry for me. I’m good, but to heal you have to open your heart up to somebody. I’ve been through it and I know people need help. So, that’s part of my healing, being able to talk to you. I don’t ever want to face that person again.
Now 35, Gaga said her process of healing involves “trying to make sure I give back with that experience, instead of, I don’t know, locking it away and faking it.”
She added;
Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say feel bad, I mean want to cut, think about dying, wondering if I’m ever gonna do it.
