TB Joshua Peppered with Posthumous Accusations: From Healing Hips to Handsy Hi-Jinks!

Hold onto your holy hats, folks, because the late TB Joshua, Africa’s flashiest faith-flinger, is back in the news, but this time, the miracles aren’t exactly multiplying. In fact, it’s more like a mass exorcism of bad memories, with 25 people coming forward with tales of, shall we say, less-than-divine encounters with the prophet of prosperity.

Remember that 12-story Lagos love shack where TB Joshua and his flock frolicked? Apparently, it wasn’t just a haven for healing hips – some say it was a hotbed of handsy hi-jinks! Eyewitness accounts fizzle and pop with allegations of sexual assault, physical abuse, and enough faked miracles to fill a Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum.

From cancer cures that were about as effective as a Band-Aid on a black hole to HIV/AIDS “healings” that probably just gave folks a nasty case of hope flu, it seems Joshua’s magic touch wasn’t always golden. Now, it’s raining accusations like confetti at a Pentecostal party, leaving everyone wondering: was he a holy healer or a heavenly hoodwink?

Of course, these are just allegations, and the jury’s still out on whether Joshua was a saint or a sinner. But one thing’s for sure – this case is juicier than a communion wafer dipped in gossip, and it’s got the whole world glued to their pews, waiting for the next chapter.

The BBC, bless their investigative souls, spent two years digging deeper than Joshua’s designer suits. They teamed up with Open Democracy, an outfit that makes CSI: Miami look like a game of charades, and together, they unearthed enough dirt to fill a holy roller’s bathtub.

“More than 25 eyewitnesses and alleged victims, from the UK, Nigeria, Ghana, US, South Africa and Germany, have provided accounts of what it was like inside Joshua’s compound, with the most recent experiences in 2019.

“Testimony from dozens of survivors suggests Joshua was abusing and raping young women from around the world several times a week for nearly 20 years.” the report noted.

Turns out, TB Joshua wasn’t just a miracle worker, he was a money-making machine. Former insiders (probably disgruntled after not getting a cut of the millions) estimate he raked in tens of millions from pilgrims, video sales, and even stadium tours – like Jesus with a microphone and a merch booth.

But the real juicy stuff is the whispers of darkness behind the glitter. Allegations of sexual assault, physical abuse, and solitary confinement (sounds more like a prison break than a prayer meeting) swirled around Joshua like flies around a mango cart. And don’t even get me started on the fake miracles – curing HIV with holy water? That’s like trying to extinguish a fire with gasoline-flavored Kool-Aid.

So, did Joshua ascend to the pearly gates or take a detour to the fiery pits? Only time, and maybe another BBC exposé, will tell. But one thing’s for sure, this is a story with more twists than a pretzel dipped in holy oil. Buckle up, folks, this is gonna be one wild ride!