– al·pha male (noun)
. the dominant male animal in a particular group.
. a man tending to assume a dominant or domineering role in social or professional situations.
Here are the top 10 guidelines to make you a successful assh…. I mean.. Alpha-Male in Nigeria.
1. Never clean up after yourself– yes,after a meal,just leave the plates right there. Leave the mess right there for benevolent spirits. Same applies when you use the loo. For better effect don’t even clean your butt. If anyone doesn’t like the smell then they can smell away!
2. Never, ever lift a finger to make a meal when you are hungry especially if you are married. Why cook when you can remain hungry till your other half comes back to do it. And if she fumbles with that? Post it on the internet. The 9Ja marriage e-police will declare a war on your behalf. God forbid you cook indomie while waiting for your meal. ABOMINATION!
3. Never do your laundry. When you are out of clothes to wear, throw a tantrum like the big baby you are. Abi that woman wan reach her papa house? Mchewww….
4. Pant after and stare at any female backside you see. You are a man, it is your right. Feel free to hang out your tongue as well and slap it if you have the opportunity.
5. Blame every body but yourself for those little acts of stupidity. You were driving like a drunk? No problem,it is that darn road and the other drivers. You can’t be a bad driver,after all you are a MAN. Men are born good drivers! You cheated on your spouse? Don’t mind the yeye woman, it’s her fault not yours.
6. Every female around you must be submissive. How dare the recharge card seller refuse to sell to you on credit and on top of it talking back at you?or is it the colleague who refused to allow you pass off her idea as yours..is she mad, doesn’t she realize that you are a man? Bastards.
7. When you propose to a lady and she refuses, ask her if she knows how hard it is to land a man and if she wants to be unfortunate in life.
8. When your woman calls out your BS, come out on the internet and tell everyone what an adultress she is..is she mad,doesn’t she realize you are a man?
7. If you dare cook for any woman. Automatically you are her b**ch.
8. Your woman must always be ready to open her legs and if she doesn’t she dare not talk when you can your side chick in front of her. After all you are a man! You have needs.
9. When your woman gets too mouthy, slap sense into her, it is ok as long as you only did it out of anger and still love her after the beating. Has she forgotten that you are a man and that a man shouldn’t bear the cumbersome burden of controlling his temper?
10. Always remember that a woman who disproves your lame points in an argument isn’t smarter than you and make sure you tell her so. Men are created to be smarter than women so how can she dare when women are supposed to have only fishbrain.Unacceptable!
Painful death and possibility of poisoning. But after all you’re a man. Wetin concern you with that one?